... on Tuesday, October 27th, at some time around midnight, I was driving some friends home. I had made some detours, mostly because I was unfamiliar with the area I was driving in, but eventually found my way back to more familiar territory.
It was at this point that my memory becomes less clear... I remember lights in my eyes... a few loud shouts... a sudden loud bang, and my muscles tensing up. After awhile I probably got out of the car, though I don't remember how or when... the car was running after I got out, and I quickly (and repeatedly... very repeatedly) asked everyone if they were ok, rushing over to see the other car...
when I turned back to the place where it happened, there was nothing but car guts everywhere. There was a guy who looked as out of it as me, although if there is one thing I remember, it was that I probably set a new standard for freaking out.
It has been a few days since the accident. My memory is still not great... this is actually my first attempt at piecing everything together in detail, because for awhile, every time I made any attempt, all I could hear was the sound of metal and fiberglass crumpling against each other, all I could see were headlights in my face...
My car was totaled and though I am waiting for insurance to get back to me, it will most likely never drive again. I saw the car after the fact, but not since I have snapped out of the shock have I seen it. I'm not looking forward to seeing how close I came to being killed.
This whole experience has left me somewhat broken... which is ironic because I wanted to be scared for halloween-- I definitely got my wish. I never thought I could be so scared and confused.
I said, to a friend, that every time I am near a car of any sort, it feels like I am in a tiger's cage... away from them, I gain my composure, but when I drive in the passenger side, or when I walk near them, it is all I can see but imagining them crashing together, or slamming into me.
I feel like this whole experience has brought me back somehow, like... knocked me back to a younger age, because I do not feel like an adult at all, I feel like a scared teenager, still figuring everything out... that might not make a whole lot of sense, but for the moment, it does to me.
Maybe that's the nerves talking.
At any rate, I have a lot of work ahead of me to come back to where I was before the crash. A LOT. Financially speaking, but also... mentally speaking. And, to a lesser degree, physically speaking. Nobody was hurt, and I was the only person at the hospital... thank god. But, my muscles have become very sore, and I will be on painkillers for the next few days. I would have just not taken them, but the doctor said if I don't relax the muscles, I run a chance of developing pneumonia. I'm not sure exactly why that is... but... suffice to say that I don't want pneumonia.
This post has been the closest thing to normal thought I've expressed in public. I'm still on my way to being normal... I'm sure my demeanor in public freaks out people a little bit, since I walk very carefully, and sometimes just completely flashback, which leaves me staring off into space for a moment.
So, for those looking for news on the Monster Intern, I had to let the site go for now while I do updates... we're also working on a new production that should be interesting, but I cannot say more... except that even the marketing for it is fun and exciting, which is a far-cry from the "tedious and annoying" view I usually have on marketing.
Everything of course will be stalled while I recover from my accident. (For those who thought this post was a fictional story, I wish it was, but it is completely non-fiction). I have a lot of stuff to figure out, a lot of work to just make sure everything is settled in terms of paperwork-- I don't blame anyone for the crash, it was just a momentary mistake on everybody's part, but hey, you know, the bureaucrats need to put "at fault" in a little box in order to distribute funds, so... whatever). My mind is ironically not racing around all these things, but still left somewhere in the crash... so I'm waiting for that to come back to where it is supposed to be too.
To all those who have shown love and support, god bless you all. I have no idea how I made it out of there with only a sore rib and a twisted mind, but if all I have to do is take a few painkillers to avoid pneumonia, this whole experience could have been a different one altogether, so I'm happy to be alive, and happy that everyone else is alive.
For now, I'm just going to try to relax, celebrate halloween as best I can (especially considering the painkillers I will be on), and just... try to spread as much love and goodness as I can, and be very careful whenever I say that I "want" to be scared (I like fear when it is not directly related to anyone's actual harm, fictional fear... the safe stuff... give me that, thank you, not the real, dangerous, traumatic kind)...
As per our gracious fans... I love you all... but seriously... we won't be around for awhile. I'm going to rest. I'll let you know when it is cool to hunt us down looking for autographs again.
-- Shannon Stever
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