Anger/Obscenity

There is a common thread amongst my thoughts in these past few moments, the past few days... part of it is the unspeakable appreciation I feel for all those who support me and who show me attention, love, and affection.

And then there is my never-ending shock at how there are those that commit acts that I just cannot condone. They can be little things, little annoyances that make me angry to a ridiculous level. Little ignorances and little spiteful spits that just make me want to bite my tongue until it bleeds...

... and then there are those who sincerely want my blood. To all those who I cannot please, to all those that would rather me dead than living, to all those who think me some controversial beast that does not deserve to live... I have the utmost anger and obscenities to spit at you.

To all those who have betrayed me blissfully, and who have made my heart a difficult thing to understand, for all its insecurities and instabilities...

To all those who glorify all my mistakes and remind me of them at my most vulnerable of moments..

To all those who know who you are...

... when I am King, there will be no land for you. I will run you out of my kingdom. I will post rewards for your torture and segregation, and laugh as you beg me to forgive you.

And then, insult upon injury, I WILL forgive you. If you ask me to, I will... even if you do not. I will let you into my kingdom, but there will be one thing that you will never have... one precious treasure that is not easy to come by, but is a gift to all those who have it...

you will never regain my trust. And in forgiving you, I will forget your existence, and cease to care even enough to hate you.

So, for all those who are responsible for the knives in my back...

there will be the bark of my anger, and my obscenity. And believe me when I say that my bark is not just worse than my bite, it bites itself, because if you ask me when angry what I think, you will receive the most vehement anger I can spit at you... but I will never hurt you like you hurt me...

... you have made me hard. Congratulations. It is because of you that I am a temple whose doors are not easy to enter. It is because of you that my kingdom requires so high a price to enter... it is because of you that I do not trust easily.

And even beyond that... I don't even care if you ever read this. Because I just... don't... care. And no one you betrayed will ever care about you.

So get out of my way for now. If you come back I will not care. If you die I will not care. If you ask me to trust you, I will have nothing to offer. If you ask me to help you, I will have nothing to offer except indifference.

The keys to my kingdom are easy to come by... because the kingdom will stretch over this entire earth. There will be no place without my mark. I will leave a mark, and long after I have forgotten about you, the world will remember me.

I congratulate you... it is because of you that I will never give up my goals or my ambitions. It is because of you that I will work myself to the grave to see my vision stretched upon the earth.

It is because of you that I look away at ugliness, and search for beauty... it is because of you that I am no longer shocked by hideous monsters or the worst words people could spit at me. It is because of me that there is literally nothing that can touch me anymore. Come at me, attack my life... I don't care. Because I know I have survived it before. Spit at me and hate me... I do not care. Because I have been hated before, and probably by better people than you. Betray me... I will not be surprised. Because I have been betrayed by the best of liars, whose lies still permeate in my mind.

So try to take me down... I dare you. I have no more vulnerabilities. I have risen from the grave, I have stepped out of my own wreck, and it was without even a new scar on a body tattoed with marks from lesser damages.

I not only will forgive you... I thank you. It is because of you hateful wretches that there is literally nothing you can do to me that shocks me anymore. There is no damage that I will not survive, so long as it keeps my heart beating, and even if you stop that heart, there will be those who know what vision I wanted to see the world watch... and will do everything to see it happen, and will only be more vehement because of my death.

I thank you... because there are two things that have made me an unstoppable force: the love of those close to me, who offer their unconditional support... and your hateful, vile ignorance.

I thank you... but you have no part in my vision. I thank you... but this is the last I will ever even let you into my consciousness.

Fuck you.